i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
