If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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