wat bout pragnant strippers??
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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