I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
