I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
