it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
