Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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