Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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