To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
