??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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