and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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