he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do herpes really smell.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
