Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
