I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
