with your own penis?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
