I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
