Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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