Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
