you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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