we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
