I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
