All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
