People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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