You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
