I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
