I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
