Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He did a backflip because drugs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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