so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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