that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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