my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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