you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
