I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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