dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His hands were made for my vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
