Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
