i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
