Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
