i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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