Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We're too hungover to prance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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