waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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