I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
