For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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