Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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