Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
