Will you blow on my dice?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
