So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
