you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
