No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
