Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
