party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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