I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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