doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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