You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
