I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
