I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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