I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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