I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
