you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
